Saturday May 29, 2010
144 days since accident
121 days in Colorado
It was a beautiful day today - the sun was shining, the temperature was mild, about 75 degrees, and my husband decided to wash our cars and his motorcycles. Dad heard all the noise outside and decided to sit on the front porch and watch Larry work.
I really don't know how it happened because I was not outside, but my father ended up on the back of Larry's Harley. Yes, you heard that correctly - my almost-90-year-old father was on the back of a motorcycle cruising around the neighborhood.
At first, I was shocked and speechless. Did my husband go mad? What possessed him to take such a risk? And darn it, why didn't he get pictures and video of the experience?
Look, of course I was freaking out at first, dad can barely walk, and here he is on the back of a motorcycle? Bottom-line, I trust my husband. If he felt it was safe than I am fine with it. I want my dad to have as many new experiences as he can tolerate.
At nearly 90, dad has barely lived at all. I don't know if this is due to the guilt he has over surviving the Holocaust, while his family did not. I suspect guilt was partly to blame, but I also think dad never had anyone in his life to expose him to different experiences. It also didn’t help that my father was, and still is, one of the cheapest men on the planet!
Ok,I really shouldn't be so hard on him - Dad was poor growing up and equally poor when he came to the U.S. Making $75.00 per week, dad worked as a tailor, in a sweatshop on Manhattan's lower eastside; mom didn't work; she was a homemaker and mother of four girls.
Even when dad had extra money, he never used it on himself. I think he was always afraid that he would need the money for a rainy day. I, on the other hand, believe that life is something to experience and not observe. And that is exactly what I plan to have my father do - I want him to be an active participant, and not some old guy sitting on a park bench watching the world go by.
During the last four months we have tried to make dad as comfortable and happy as can be. So far, he has enjoyed the comfort of modern clothing*, proper fitting shoes, cotton socks, and soft bedding. Dad has experienced IMAX, a 3D movie, bowling, the Body World exhibit, Planetarium, dinner playhouse, concert, and countless culinary experiences.
I hope my father remains healthy long enough for my family to show him what it feels like to be part of a close, fun-loving, great family, who loves him. Everyone needs love, even dads who were not the greatest fathers in the world.
I am so grateful to have had this opportunity to get to know my father because now I can finally let go of all the pain, anger, and resentment of my childhood.
*recall in a much earlier post that dad used to hand wash all his clothing using a washboard! His clothing was about 40 years old and so thin that they actually fell apart in the washing machine, in my house.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Finding the Humor in Life
Friday May 28, 2010
143 days since accident
120 days in Colorado
Today the temperature hit 97.5 degrees! My father comes out of his bedroom wearing an undershirt, a long sleeve shirt over that, and then long pants with heavy knee-hi socks. I took one look at him, and like a mother sending her child back to her room to put something more appropriate on, I escorted him back to his closet to find something lighter to put on.
How should I put this? My father dresses as if he just got off the boat at Ellis Island back in 1949! When I was a child, I used to get so embarrassed when he would attend a school function. Remember the leisure suit of the 1970's? Well dad had one in lime green. He also wore bold striped pants with an equally loud (clash) shirt.
One of the first things I did when dad moved to Colorado was to take him clothing shopping. You should have seen him today! He had on a pair of dark green walking shorts a pleasant and smart looking green and blue print polo shirt and we finished it off with a pair of TEVA sandals (and no sox!)
My father looked like a younger man of 65 (remember he is nearing 90!). We drove the kids to the local family fun center for a day of laser tag, miniature golf, bumper cars, and the like and topped it off with ice-cream sundaes at Baskin & Robbins! All had a fun day!
After dinner, I figured dad would be exhausted, since he was up for the entire day. However, he wanted to watch a little television. Joey put on a movie for him and I went upstairs to finish some last minute paperwork. About fifteen minutes later, I hear dad calling my name. Joey, ran downstairs (he is faster than I am) to check on his grandfather.
A few minutes later Joey comes upstairs with a huge grin on his face. This conversation transpired between Joey(J) and his grandfather(GF):
J: Is everything ok, grandpa? Do you need something?
GF: There is a German picture on television!
J: Is that good or bad?
GF: I don't know.
J: (sitting on a chair watching the program for a few minutes) So what do you think grandpa?
GF: This is Ausweitz, where I was in the Holocaust. I thought your mother would like to come down and see this maybe we will see me there.
J: (confused for a moment and he then realized that his grandfather thinks that the movie is a documentary and that the people were real and not portrayed by actors). Grandpa, make sure you call mom or me, if you happen to see yourself or someone you remember from that time!
GF: Ok!
Oh the joys of being old and hmmm, confused?
143 days since accident
120 days in Colorado
Today the temperature hit 97.5 degrees! My father comes out of his bedroom wearing an undershirt, a long sleeve shirt over that, and then long pants with heavy knee-hi socks. I took one look at him, and like a mother sending her child back to her room to put something more appropriate on, I escorted him back to his closet to find something lighter to put on.
How should I put this? My father dresses as if he just got off the boat at Ellis Island back in 1949! When I was a child, I used to get so embarrassed when he would attend a school function. Remember the leisure suit of the 1970's? Well dad had one in lime green. He also wore bold striped pants with an equally loud (clash) shirt.
One of the first things I did when dad moved to Colorado was to take him clothing shopping. You should have seen him today! He had on a pair of dark green walking shorts a pleasant and smart looking green and blue print polo shirt and we finished it off with a pair of TEVA sandals (and no sox!)
My father looked like a younger man of 65 (remember he is nearing 90!). We drove the kids to the local family fun center for a day of laser tag, miniature golf, bumper cars, and the like and topped it off with ice-cream sundaes at Baskin & Robbins! All had a fun day!
After dinner, I figured dad would be exhausted, since he was up for the entire day. However, he wanted to watch a little television. Joey put on a movie for him and I went upstairs to finish some last minute paperwork. About fifteen minutes later, I hear dad calling my name. Joey, ran downstairs (he is faster than I am) to check on his grandfather.
A few minutes later Joey comes upstairs with a huge grin on his face. This conversation transpired between Joey(J) and his grandfather(GF):
J: Is everything ok, grandpa? Do you need something?
GF: There is a German picture on television!
J: Is that good or bad?
GF: I don't know.
J: (sitting on a chair watching the program for a few minutes) So what do you think grandpa?
GF: This is Ausweitz, where I was in the Holocaust. I thought your mother would like to come down and see this maybe we will see me there.
J: (confused for a moment and he then realized that his grandfather thinks that the movie is a documentary and that the people were real and not portrayed by actors). Grandpa, make sure you call mom or me, if you happen to see yourself or someone you remember from that time!
GF: Ok!
Oh the joys of being old and hmmm, confused?
Monday, May 17, 2010
Oral Surgery - Nothing to Smile About!
Friday May 14 2010
130 days since accident
107 days in Colorado
This morning I took dad to an oral surgeon to have his last two middle, lower teeth (canines) removed. The place operated like a well-oiled machine, with people coming and going every 20 minutes. Dad was no exception, even with one of the canines cracked near the gum line; he was done in less than 20 minutes. His bottom lip was quite swollen, the teeth were brittle, and the doctor had to take them out in pieces, leaving dad with a couple of stitches. There was no doubt in my mind that dad would, in a very short amount of time, feel indescribable pain. I filled the pain medicine (vicodin) prior to the visit so I would be prepared, and gave him one on the way home.
Once home I cleaned up dads’ face and replaced the blood-soaked gauze in his mouth. I gave him an ice pack to help reduce the swelling around his mouth, and put the television on until he fell asleep. Yesterday, I made butterscotch pudding, raspberry Jello, and two kinds of hearty soup. I also bought a variety of beverages and popsicles to keep him well hydrated.
I continued to give him a pain pill plus an anti-inflammatory pill throughout the rest of the day and into the evening.
My son was having a few friends over to celebrate his 16th birthday. Fortunately, it was a movie party, and away from the house. I left my husband home while I drove the boys to the theater and got them settled in with popcorn and then came back a couple of hours later to pick them up.
I was up for most of the night to check on dad and make sure he was resting comfortably. I knew I would be in for a long weekend.
130 days since accident
107 days in Colorado
This morning I took dad to an oral surgeon to have his last two middle, lower teeth (canines) removed. The place operated like a well-oiled machine, with people coming and going every 20 minutes. Dad was no exception, even with one of the canines cracked near the gum line; he was done in less than 20 minutes. His bottom lip was quite swollen, the teeth were brittle, and the doctor had to take them out in pieces, leaving dad with a couple of stitches. There was no doubt in my mind that dad would, in a very short amount of time, feel indescribable pain. I filled the pain medicine (vicodin) prior to the visit so I would be prepared, and gave him one on the way home.
Once home I cleaned up dads’ face and replaced the blood-soaked gauze in his mouth. I gave him an ice pack to help reduce the swelling around his mouth, and put the television on until he fell asleep. Yesterday, I made butterscotch pudding, raspberry Jello, and two kinds of hearty soup. I also bought a variety of beverages and popsicles to keep him well hydrated.
I continued to give him a pain pill plus an anti-inflammatory pill throughout the rest of the day and into the evening.
My son was having a few friends over to celebrate his 16th birthday. Fortunately, it was a movie party, and away from the house. I left my husband home while I drove the boys to the theater and got them settled in with popcorn and then came back a couple of hours later to pick them up.
I was up for most of the night to check on dad and make sure he was resting comfortably. I knew I would be in for a long weekend.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
The Dentures Last Bite
Friday May 7 2010
122 days since accident
99 days in Colorado
It has been three months since dad received his dentures and I finally got up the nerve to request a refund. It was obvious to me that the dentist was not going to claim defeat, and my dad, although he constantly complained about the dentures while at home, would become indecisive while at the dentist office.
Upon arrival, the receptionist immediately took dad to one of the patient rooms. I was surprised because I thought they would just hand dad his refund check and send us on our way. Instead, the dentist came in and asked dad what he wanted to do about the dentures. Dad looked up at the dentist and said, “I don’t know what I want myself.” Not very good at concealing my emotions, I must have shot my dad a dirty look because he sat up in the chair and said, “It is my mouth, you stay out of it!”
Maybe I was wrong to get so upset, but I confronted both the dentist and dad. I told the dentist that he should have instructed dad weeks ago, that he would not do any further adjustments until dad agreed to wear the dentures, as instructed, for a full week. I then turned to dad and said he should not agree to wear the dentures when he knows that he won’t (wear them).
Dad looked at the dentist and said he would promise to wear the dentures for a full week and wanted to give it one more chance. In agreement, the dentist wanted dad for a couple of hours to try a different approach to reducing the movement and placement of the appliances. I really didn’t have two hours to sit in the waiting room and asked if I could leave dad while I ran a couple of errands and picked up the kids at school.
I received a telephone call about two hours later – evidentially, the dentist tightened the bottom partial too much and when he pushed it down onto dad’s two remaining teeth, it hit a nerve or something and my dad cried out in horrific pain. He closed his mouth and refused to allow the dentist to do anything further. The dentist actually wanted me to come back and convince dad to open his mouth; when I arrived my dad was waiting for me and told me he was done with this dentist and the dentures. I signed the release papers, gathered up dad and his belongings, and high-tailed it out of there!
My father was furious not at himself, but at me for not standing up to the dentist, and refused to speak to me for the rest of the day. Two days later, he announced that his bottom tooth was cracked and he wanted me to call the dentist to pull the tooth! I must have called three or four dentists and each one was more expensive than the last. Embarrassed, I had no choice but to call the original dentist, the receptionist was very kind and explained that they would not be able to do the extraction because the teeth in question are canines. Generally, canines are the last to fall out and in dad’s case; they were anchored well into the bone requiring surgery to remove. Fortunately, they had a referral of an oral surgeon and gave me dad’s x-rays, and I was able to make an appointment for next Friday.
122 days since accident
99 days in Colorado
It has been three months since dad received his dentures and I finally got up the nerve to request a refund. It was obvious to me that the dentist was not going to claim defeat, and my dad, although he constantly complained about the dentures while at home, would become indecisive while at the dentist office.
Upon arrival, the receptionist immediately took dad to one of the patient rooms. I was surprised because I thought they would just hand dad his refund check and send us on our way. Instead, the dentist came in and asked dad what he wanted to do about the dentures. Dad looked up at the dentist and said, “I don’t know what I want myself.” Not very good at concealing my emotions, I must have shot my dad a dirty look because he sat up in the chair and said, “It is my mouth, you stay out of it!”
Maybe I was wrong to get so upset, but I confronted both the dentist and dad. I told the dentist that he should have instructed dad weeks ago, that he would not do any further adjustments until dad agreed to wear the dentures, as instructed, for a full week. I then turned to dad and said he should not agree to wear the dentures when he knows that he won’t (wear them).
Dad looked at the dentist and said he would promise to wear the dentures for a full week and wanted to give it one more chance. In agreement, the dentist wanted dad for a couple of hours to try a different approach to reducing the movement and placement of the appliances. I really didn’t have two hours to sit in the waiting room and asked if I could leave dad while I ran a couple of errands and picked up the kids at school.
I received a telephone call about two hours later – evidentially, the dentist tightened the bottom partial too much and when he pushed it down onto dad’s two remaining teeth, it hit a nerve or something and my dad cried out in horrific pain. He closed his mouth and refused to allow the dentist to do anything further. The dentist actually wanted me to come back and convince dad to open his mouth; when I arrived my dad was waiting for me and told me he was done with this dentist and the dentures. I signed the release papers, gathered up dad and his belongings, and high-tailed it out of there!
My father was furious not at himself, but at me for not standing up to the dentist, and refused to speak to me for the rest of the day. Two days later, he announced that his bottom tooth was cracked and he wanted me to call the dentist to pull the tooth! I must have called three or four dentists and each one was more expensive than the last. Embarrassed, I had no choice but to call the original dentist, the receptionist was very kind and explained that they would not be able to do the extraction because the teeth in question are canines. Generally, canines are the last to fall out and in dad’s case; they were anchored well into the bone requiring surgery to remove. Fortunately, they had a referral of an oral surgeon and gave me dad’s x-rays, and I was able to make an appointment for next Friday.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Video: Bowling Grandpa get a Spare!
In this video you will see my husband showing dad how to bowl (at 89, dad has never gone bowling. Dad throws the ball and knocks down 9 pins. I stopped video-taping assuming dad would get a gutter-ball - with everyone in amazement, dad actually makes the spare!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s_HkaER5Z4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8s_HkaER5Z4
Monday, May 3, 2010
Dad Takes a Fall!
Saturday May 1, 2010
116 days since accident
93 days in Colorado
Dad has wanted access to our backyard now for a couple of weeks. I was able to put him off with a variety of excuses, but ran out of them, now that the weather is so warm and beautiful. I want dad to enjoy the backyard, but have been hesitant for a number of reasons. Two of those reasons pertain to safety issues; the backless bench along the side of the deck and no banister leading down to the grass.
Just like a child, I know I can’t protect him from everything. But at least one can reason with a child, that is not the case with my father. In any event, I decided to give him a chance to prove me wrong and I took him out back and showed him around, pointing out the dangerous areas. Everything seemed fine, he sat outside and enjoyed the sun. I brought him some iced tea and a couple of cookies and went back into the house. Just moments later I ran outside to find the patio table on its’ side and dad laying flat on his back. He was conscious but not moving – here was my worst nightmare come true – that day severed his spinal cord and was paralyzed. Larry was already outside kneeling down next to dad. I covered my mouth to prevent my cries of fear, and began to move towards them. Dad looked up at us and asked, “what happened?” I had him remain still so I could assess the damage – to my surprise he was absolutely fine. The man has someone seriously watching over him!
So here is what happened – dad, tired of sitting, walked over to the patio table, misjudging the stability of it, he leaned against the table, and it flipped, sending him crashing to the floor (on his back). Larry and I helped him inside and I brought him a glass of water, dad looked at us both and said, “What are you making a big deal for, I am alright, you know how many times I fell in New York, maybe five times a day and I was fine.”
I couldn’t even think of a reply to such an utterly ridiculous response – and to keep myself from saying something that I knew I would immediately regret, I just quietly walked away. I could hear Larry trying to explain to dad that his constant falls is the major reason why he can no longer live by himself. Of course, dad became agitated and argumentative. He will never accept the fact that someone else has made the decision to take away his independence. A part of me certainly can’t blame him – I would not be happy if someone took that right away from me. On the other hand, I would try to come to terms with the decision and work to make the best of things. That is where dad and I differ, I am a realist, and try to be optimistic while dad is such a negative person. He can actually drain all the positive energy in a room; I am exhausted and fatigued after having one of our conversations about life. He has such a warped sense of the world, mistrusts everyone, and believes that life has no meaning. How can anyone have a meaningful and dynamic conversation with a person who believes only in his own reality?
116 days since accident
93 days in Colorado
Dad has wanted access to our backyard now for a couple of weeks. I was able to put him off with a variety of excuses, but ran out of them, now that the weather is so warm and beautiful. I want dad to enjoy the backyard, but have been hesitant for a number of reasons. Two of those reasons pertain to safety issues; the backless bench along the side of the deck and no banister leading down to the grass.
Just like a child, I know I can’t protect him from everything. But at least one can reason with a child, that is not the case with my father. In any event, I decided to give him a chance to prove me wrong and I took him out back and showed him around, pointing out the dangerous areas. Everything seemed fine, he sat outside and enjoyed the sun. I brought him some iced tea and a couple of cookies and went back into the house. Just moments later I ran outside to find the patio table on its’ side and dad laying flat on his back. He was conscious but not moving – here was my worst nightmare come true – that day severed his spinal cord and was paralyzed. Larry was already outside kneeling down next to dad. I covered my mouth to prevent my cries of fear, and began to move towards them. Dad looked up at us and asked, “what happened?” I had him remain still so I could assess the damage – to my surprise he was absolutely fine. The man has someone seriously watching over him!
So here is what happened – dad, tired of sitting, walked over to the patio table, misjudging the stability of it, he leaned against the table, and it flipped, sending him crashing to the floor (on his back). Larry and I helped him inside and I brought him a glass of water, dad looked at us both and said, “What are you making a big deal for, I am alright, you know how many times I fell in New York, maybe five times a day and I was fine.”
I couldn’t even think of a reply to such an utterly ridiculous response – and to keep myself from saying something that I knew I would immediately regret, I just quietly walked away. I could hear Larry trying to explain to dad that his constant falls is the major reason why he can no longer live by himself. Of course, dad became agitated and argumentative. He will never accept the fact that someone else has made the decision to take away his independence. A part of me certainly can’t blame him – I would not be happy if someone took that right away from me. On the other hand, I would try to come to terms with the decision and work to make the best of things. That is where dad and I differ, I am a realist, and try to be optimistic while dad is such a negative person. He can actually drain all the positive energy in a room; I am exhausted and fatigued after having one of our conversations about life. He has such a warped sense of the world, mistrusts everyone, and believes that life has no meaning. How can anyone have a meaningful and dynamic conversation with a person who believes only in his own reality?
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