Sunday June 27, 2010
173 days since accident
150 days in Colorado
The last week has been very hot, with the occasional afternoon rains, to cool things down. Unfortunately, the rain has done nothing to help with my MCTD flair-ups. Before my illness, I loved the summer because it meant fewer days with back pain (worst in the winter and early spring). However, the lupus-like condition doesn’t fair well in the heat, so I lose on both ends!
My father worries when I sleep a lot during the day, but sleep helps me feel better, and when I take a couple of naps I function better overall. I try not to tell my father too much about my health problems because I can see how much it scares him. However, the fact is, there are days when I just can’t get out of bed, period. I have learned a long time ago that it is best to listen to the signals from my body because when I ignore those signals, I always regret it later.
Besides, I have the greatest family in the world! I have been very fortunate to have two teenagers who just instinctively do whatever has to be done on the days that I am incapacitated. There have been more times, than not, when my husband comes home after working a long night shift, and rather than go to sleep, he would help me. I am a very fortunate woman and I never loss sight of this. Nevertheless, for dad, seeing me in pain can be difficult for him to handle. Ironic really, I am 50 years old, and on more prescription medication than dad is at almost 90!
So what do you do when the caregiver has more health problems than the elderly parent does? Nothing, as a family you must find ways to pull together and do your share to help. It doesn’t matter if my father was living with us or not. I still have my days when I can’t function as well as I would like too. Fortunately, I have figured out a system to circumvent the frequencies of my flair-ups. Still it is difficult for me, as a type-A personality I have always been able to multi-task and rarely ever put anything off for the next day.
I have had to discipline myself and accept the fact that it is ok not to finish everything in one day! I think this philosophy has also helped my father because he has many days when he is depressed because his mind is stronger than his body. My motto:
Don’t put off for tomorrow what you can do today
Has been replaced with:
There is always tomorrow…
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Father's Day
Sunday, June 20, 2010
166 days since accident
143 days in Colorado
It has been decades since I spent a "Father's Day," with dad. Today, I experienced a mixture of excitement and sadness - the reality of which is that this may be the only one I get to share with him. In the past, I hated this celebratory day – I could never find a card that said what I really felt. I doubt Hallmark carried a line of Father’s Day cards for the man who got my mother pregnant.
So, I ordered a special cake, with layers of chocolate and white cake, nestled between custard, and covered with a white whipped cream frosting. I wrapped the matching tee shirt and baseball cap that read: Proud Grandparent of, and underneath was the name and caricature of each of his seven grandchildren. I boxed up the designer mug I made of a family-collage, and the inscription, "Grandpa Nathan's Coffee Cup." And the day went really well.
As I think about the events of the day, I come to the surprising realization that the gifts did not symbolize my parental relationship with dad, but the relationship he has with his grandchildren (my children). Did anyone else catch the irony here? I don’t think I am punishing dad because I really am so happy that he is here and that I have the opportunity to celebrate this day with him.
The sad fact of the matter is this, my father was absent for my entire life. My mother died when I was barely eleven years old. I then spent the next seven years in foster care, and even though my foster parents were wonderful, I was constantly reminded of the fact that they were not my parents.
I really needed my father when I was a young woman venturing out on my own. I suffered needlessly, all those “firsts,” in life that I was either forced to go about on my own because my mother was dead or because my father was absent in my life. I can’t get that time back, but I also have this time with dad. I want to accept and love him for the man he is today, and not grieve what could have been.
Therefore, I took a few minutes to run downstairs to dad’s room and presented him with my father’s day card – the one that says how happy I am that he is in my life, and that I love him. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!
166 days since accident
143 days in Colorado
It has been decades since I spent a "Father's Day," with dad. Today, I experienced a mixture of excitement and sadness - the reality of which is that this may be the only one I get to share with him. In the past, I hated this celebratory day – I could never find a card that said what I really felt. I doubt Hallmark carried a line of Father’s Day cards for the man who got my mother pregnant.
So, I ordered a special cake, with layers of chocolate and white cake, nestled between custard, and covered with a white whipped cream frosting. I wrapped the matching tee shirt and baseball cap that read: Proud Grandparent of, and underneath was the name and caricature of each of his seven grandchildren. I boxed up the designer mug I made of a family-collage, and the inscription, "Grandpa Nathan's Coffee Cup." And the day went really well.
As I think about the events of the day, I come to the surprising realization that the gifts did not symbolize my parental relationship with dad, but the relationship he has with his grandchildren (my children). Did anyone else catch the irony here? I don’t think I am punishing dad because I really am so happy that he is here and that I have the opportunity to celebrate this day with him.
The sad fact of the matter is this, my father was absent for my entire life. My mother died when I was barely eleven years old. I then spent the next seven years in foster care, and even though my foster parents were wonderful, I was constantly reminded of the fact that they were not my parents.
I really needed my father when I was a young woman venturing out on my own. I suffered needlessly, all those “firsts,” in life that I was either forced to go about on my own because my mother was dead or because my father was absent in my life. I can’t get that time back, but I also have this time with dad. I want to accept and love him for the man he is today, and not grieve what could have been.
Therefore, I took a few minutes to run downstairs to dad’s room and presented him with my father’s day card – the one that says how happy I am that he is in my life, and that I love him. Happy Father’s Day, Dad!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Dad and Bingo - A First Time!
Tuesday,May 4, 2010
119 days since accident
96 days in Colorado
My father loves to play cards and especially if money is involved. As a child I remember long hot summer days when dad would take us to the park for hours at a time, not to play with us, but to play cards with his friends from the
old country.
Watching him now, he seems so frail at times, not the card shark he used to be, my children, usually let grandpa win. It really warms our hearts when his face lights up as each time he pulls the chips towards his pile. I haven't been able to find a place for dad to play cards but I did find Bingo.
A local fast food restaurant provides a monthly bingo game for members of the Senior Center. I personally dislike the game, I find it to be quite boring. But I thought it would be good for dad - Anything that would help him use his brain is going to be an asset to him. Bingo really is a great therapy game for the elderly as it stimualates the senses, exercises fine motor coordination, and is a nice social activity.
Dad started our slowly, he had difficulty with coordinating both hearing and seeing the numbers on his board. But after about 15 minutes I noticed he was moving through the process and keeping up. As a matter of fact, he won the first game.
It really turned out to be a pleasant morning and a good activity for dad. I only wish they had it weekly instead of monthly. Trying to find activities for dad has been a challenge because of the infrequency of them all. I am looking forward to summer break because the kids will be home from school and can help me find things for him to do.
119 days since accident
96 days in Colorado
My father loves to play cards and especially if money is involved. As a child I remember long hot summer days when dad would take us to the park for hours at a time, not to play with us, but to play cards with his friends from the
old country.
Watching him now, he seems so frail at times, not the card shark he used to be, my children, usually let grandpa win. It really warms our hearts when his face lights up as each time he pulls the chips towards his pile. I haven't been able to find a place for dad to play cards but I did find Bingo.
A local fast food restaurant provides a monthly bingo game for members of the Senior Center. I personally dislike the game, I find it to be quite boring. But I thought it would be good for dad - Anything that would help him use his brain is going to be an asset to him. Bingo really is a great therapy game for the elderly as it stimualates the senses, exercises fine motor coordination, and is a nice social activity.
Dad started our slowly, he had difficulty with coordinating both hearing and seeing the numbers on his board. But after about 15 minutes I noticed he was moving through the process and keeping up. As a matter of fact, he won the first game.
It really turned out to be a pleasant morning and a good activity for dad. I only wish they had it weekly instead of monthly. Trying to find activities for dad has been a challenge because of the infrequency of them all. I am looking forward to summer break because the kids will be home from school and can help me find things for him to do.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Medicinal Benefits of Vodka (According to Dad)
Tuesday June 15, 2010
161 days since accident
138 days in Colorado
I want to make one thing clear - I don't think anyone should come to the conclusion that my father is an alcoholic(and that includes me as well). Dad has been living with me now for almost five months and I have never seen him take a drink during the day. Instead of taking sleeping pills or valium like many of his cohorts, dad has a glass of vodka before bed. He is plagued by guilt and horrible images of the holocaust and when he takes his night time drink it provides him an opportunity to have a peaceful night's sleep.
At dad's age, logic might dictate that he stop drinking, but logic goes out the window when you see how strong and youthful my father is right now. I can’t remember the last time dad was sick with a cold or the flu, for example. George Burns lived to be 100 and he drank and smoked cigars.
So, the reason I am writing this is to share some of my father's interesting philosophies on the medicinal benefits of alcohol. As a side note, when I was a home health nurse I came across many from dad's generation, who also believed that alcohol served other purposes besides its obvious. And now, for your reading enjoyment I give you:
The Medicinal Benefits of Vodka
1. To cure a cold in the chest or head: take warm water and pour in some vodka.
2. To cure a sore in the mouth or toothache: rinse your mouth with vodka and swallow.
3. For a sore throat: Take some warm water, pour in some vodka, gargle with it, and swallow. Never ever waste the vodka, it will kill all the germs you can swallow it is ok.
4. For a cut, pour a little vodka on it, this you can’t drink so don’t worry it is only a little bit wasted.
5. If you can’t sleep at night: Drink some vodka and you will sleep through the whole night.
6. If you are depressed or sad: don’t take those crazy pills for depression just drink a glass of vodka and it will make you happy and help you forget the past.
161 days since accident
138 days in Colorado
I want to make one thing clear - I don't think anyone should come to the conclusion that my father is an alcoholic(and that includes me as well). Dad has been living with me now for almost five months and I have never seen him take a drink during the day. Instead of taking sleeping pills or valium like many of his cohorts, dad has a glass of vodka before bed. He is plagued by guilt and horrible images of the holocaust and when he takes his night time drink it provides him an opportunity to have a peaceful night's sleep.
At dad's age, logic might dictate that he stop drinking, but logic goes out the window when you see how strong and youthful my father is right now. I can’t remember the last time dad was sick with a cold or the flu, for example. George Burns lived to be 100 and he drank and smoked cigars.
So, the reason I am writing this is to share some of my father's interesting philosophies on the medicinal benefits of alcohol. As a side note, when I was a home health nurse I came across many from dad's generation, who also believed that alcohol served other purposes besides its obvious. And now, for your reading enjoyment I give you:
The Medicinal Benefits of Vodka
1. To cure a cold in the chest or head: take warm water and pour in some vodka.
2. To cure a sore in the mouth or toothache: rinse your mouth with vodka and swallow.
3. For a sore throat: Take some warm water, pour in some vodka, gargle with it, and swallow. Never ever waste the vodka, it will kill all the germs you can swallow it is ok.
4. For a cut, pour a little vodka on it, this you can’t drink so don’t worry it is only a little bit wasted.
5. If you can’t sleep at night: Drink some vodka and you will sleep through the whole night.
6. If you are depressed or sad: don’t take those crazy pills for depression just drink a glass of vodka and it will make you happy and help you forget the past.
Monday, June 14, 2010
If I Hear, "I Need Ex-Lax," One More Time!
Monday, June 14, 2010
160 days since accident
137 days in Colorado
Nurses have a responsibility to ask their patients' everyday, if they had a bowel movement. So it doesn't bother me to ask my dad the same question; and my father has no problem in describing with graphic detail the angst of his bowels!
"Why don't you give me Ex-Lax?" My father will yell to me from the bathroom! “I never had this problem in New York, it must be what you are feeding me,” he would say.
A visit to the gastroenterologist uncovered a perfectly functioning anal sphincter (muscle). “Your problem, Mr. Rosenberg, is that you are old, you need to drink lots of water, and increase your activity, walk thirty minutes a day.” The doctor would say. My father, always with a witty retort, responded, “Doctor, I may be old, but that doesn’t mean I have to be in pain all the time, why don’t you give me Ex-Lax?”
A perfectly logical response, really - I smile to myself as I watch the doctor turn away from dad to write something down on a piece of paper. He turns to me and hands me the name of a medication that can be purchased OTC (over-the-counter). I recognize the medication as a preparation given to individuals who need to clean themselves out before a colonoscopy. “This will help your dad,” he says.
Why do doctors do that? I mean, dad is sitting right there, he could have looked at dad and handed him the note. I ended up turning to dad, and telling him what the doctor should have told him directly, anyway. I know dad is difficult to understand. I am so used to his Eastern European accent that I don’t give it another thought. Still, as health care professionals, we need to speak directly to the patient, even if, an interpreter is in the room.
Dad may forget things that he used to have on the tip of his tongue, and he may ask the same question more than I would like, but he is still a person, and for a man almost 90 years old, he still has it going on upstairs.
So I remind my fellow caregivers to treat your aging family with respect and dignity and permit them as much independence as is safe to allow. And if you hear, "I need Ex-Lax," one more time, just smile and do like I do, and give them a piece of dark chocolate,if their health permits it.
160 days since accident
137 days in Colorado
Nurses have a responsibility to ask their patients' everyday, if they had a bowel movement. So it doesn't bother me to ask my dad the same question; and my father has no problem in describing with graphic detail the angst of his bowels!
"Why don't you give me Ex-Lax?" My father will yell to me from the bathroom! “I never had this problem in New York, it must be what you are feeding me,” he would say.
A visit to the gastroenterologist uncovered a perfectly functioning anal sphincter (muscle). “Your problem, Mr. Rosenberg, is that you are old, you need to drink lots of water, and increase your activity, walk thirty minutes a day.” The doctor would say. My father, always with a witty retort, responded, “Doctor, I may be old, but that doesn’t mean I have to be in pain all the time, why don’t you give me Ex-Lax?”
A perfectly logical response, really - I smile to myself as I watch the doctor turn away from dad to write something down on a piece of paper. He turns to me and hands me the name of a medication that can be purchased OTC (over-the-counter). I recognize the medication as a preparation given to individuals who need to clean themselves out before a colonoscopy. “This will help your dad,” he says.
Why do doctors do that? I mean, dad is sitting right there, he could have looked at dad and handed him the note. I ended up turning to dad, and telling him what the doctor should have told him directly, anyway. I know dad is difficult to understand. I am so used to his Eastern European accent that I don’t give it another thought. Still, as health care professionals, we need to speak directly to the patient, even if, an interpreter is in the room.
Dad may forget things that he used to have on the tip of his tongue, and he may ask the same question more than I would like, but he is still a person, and for a man almost 90 years old, he still has it going on upstairs.
So I remind my fellow caregivers to treat your aging family with respect and dignity and permit them as much independence as is safe to allow. And if you hear, "I need Ex-Lax," one more time, just smile and do like I do, and give them a piece of dark chocolate,if their health permits it.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Cooking for Aging Taste Buds
Monday June 7 2010
153 days since accident
130 days in Colorado
Cooking for the elderly can be a challenge for a number of reasons, from poor appetite to decreasing numbers of taste buds. In dad’s case, I have the added problem of his lack of teeth. In the few short months since his arrival dad has lost a significant amount of muscle mass. Never having much of a weight problem, dad is all of a sudden finding himself very wrinkled, with sagging skin, and protruding bones. I supplement his meals with high calorie protein shakes but the real problem comes from his lack of appetite.
I have had to become very creative, while attempting to prepare nutritious foods for dad. I notice that he really enjoys the sweet stuff. Therefore, I experimented by putting a small amount of Splenda in several of his meals. To my pleasant surprise, dad not only enjoyed the meals he finished them.
Side Note > At approximately 40 – 50 years of age, we begin to experience a decrease in our taste buds, which is one of the reasons why the elderly lose their appetite. Food starts to taste very bland and unappetizing. The most important thing to remember when cooking for the elderly is to make sure that each meal contains a variety of nutritious foods.
For example, dad is not a vegetable lover so I have to juice most of his vegetables and mix in something sweet like apple juice. Fruits and vegetables provide an immediately energy source in the form of glucose which is critical for the brain. I can always tell when dad needs to eat something because he becomes weak and confused. I immediately give him one of the fruit/vegetable blends that I have prepared for him and within fifteen minutes, he is feeling better
I prepare, portion, and freeze most of dad's meals in advanced. This has become especially helpful when Larry and I have our weekly date night and the kids have to prepare grandpa’s dinner. Cooking for aging taste buds does not have to become a chore, just adding a small amount of sugar substitute and see if you can convert your poor eater into someone who enjoys food again!
153 days since accident
130 days in Colorado
Cooking for the elderly can be a challenge for a number of reasons, from poor appetite to decreasing numbers of taste buds. In dad’s case, I have the added problem of his lack of teeth. In the few short months since his arrival dad has lost a significant amount of muscle mass. Never having much of a weight problem, dad is all of a sudden finding himself very wrinkled, with sagging skin, and protruding bones. I supplement his meals with high calorie protein shakes but the real problem comes from his lack of appetite.
I have had to become very creative, while attempting to prepare nutritious foods for dad. I notice that he really enjoys the sweet stuff. Therefore, I experimented by putting a small amount of Splenda in several of his meals. To my pleasant surprise, dad not only enjoyed the meals he finished them.
Side Note > At approximately 40 – 50 years of age, we begin to experience a decrease in our taste buds, which is one of the reasons why the elderly lose their appetite. Food starts to taste very bland and unappetizing. The most important thing to remember when cooking for the elderly is to make sure that each meal contains a variety of nutritious foods.
For example, dad is not a vegetable lover so I have to juice most of his vegetables and mix in something sweet like apple juice. Fruits and vegetables provide an immediately energy source in the form of glucose which is critical for the brain. I can always tell when dad needs to eat something because he becomes weak and confused. I immediately give him one of the fruit/vegetable blends that I have prepared for him and within fifteen minutes, he is feeling better
I prepare, portion, and freeze most of dad's meals in advanced. This has become especially helpful when Larry and I have our weekly date night and the kids have to prepare grandpa’s dinner. Cooking for aging taste buds does not have to become a chore, just adding a small amount of sugar substitute and see if you can convert your poor eater into someone who enjoys food again!
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