Middle of the Night - Caring for Dad

It is 2:30 in morning and I am still awake - actually I am awake this time every night. You probably think I have a newborn at home. I wish I did because caring for a newborn, to me, is so much easier than caring for an elderly parent. It may be one thing to change a child's diaper, but it becomes something completely different and uncomfortable when the diaper you are changing belongs to your parent. The angry outbursts, stubbornness ,and regressive behaviors are reminiscent of when my children were small. I can hear my father moan my name - I worry, did he fall again? Sometimes, during this confused state, my father will think he is in the bathroom, and I will find that he has soiled his pajama bottoms.


I am exhausted, my sleep has been disrupted since his arrival a little over a year ago. Like caring for a newborn, I worry - I don't like to go to sleep until I know my father is sleeping comfortably. Fortunately for him , I know when he is awake - he is far from quiet. If by chance I am too tired and sleep through his restless noises, my golden retriever, Buster will pace at the foot of my bed, until I wake up. He too worries about his human friend.

My father believes he is not a burden simply because he is independent in tending to most of his personal needs. Being responsible for an elderly parent is a burden - plain and simple. His well-being is in my hands - it is up to me to make sure that the following needs are being met:

• Love and a sense of well-being

• Medical, and that he takes his medication on a regularly basis,

• Nutritional needs, which includes supplementing his diet with protein shakes,

• Social and the need to be with other seniors,

• Personal care needs - bathing, mouth care, toileting,

• Feeling like he is an important member of this family, he goes everywhere we go,

Just once I would like to hear him say that he:

• appreciates everything that I am doing for him,

• loves and respects me,

• feels sorry that he was not there for me when I needed him,

• wants to know how I am feeling (for a change).

My eyelids are feeling very heavy right now and I want to go to sleep. It is now 3:45 in the morning and my father is finally asleep and that is my cue to say goodnight too.

The Eating Habits of the Elderly

Dad eats very well, don't let him fool you when he says he eats like a baby - if the meal is something that he likes and he can eat without any difficulty (remember he has no teeth), he will eat a full adult portion.

Unfortunately, my father is very confused and a poor historian.  He loves to tell these elaborate stories of the great meals he would prepare at home.  The problem is that he has not cooked like that since he was 70 years old.  For the last twenty years, the extent of his cooking was to open a can of condensed soup. 

Dad, like many elderly, would eat one good meal per day. He never ate breakfast because he would eat a huge lunch, at the local senior center at 11am.  The lunch consisted of meat, potatoes, a beverage, and a piece of cake all for one dollar!    For dinner he would have a slice of bread and some salami or can soup or a frankfurter. 

My dad was seriously underweight and malnourished when I brought him out to Colorado.  But his mind will not permit him to see that the quality of his life was in serious jeopardy.  So he goes back to a happier time, way back, like when he was 60 years old.  I can't fight with dementia.  Not even worth trying.  No one wins, really.

Dad needs to control his environment - he was independent until he was 89 years old!  That is pretty amazing, but he does not see it that way.  He thinks he has had a rotten life - ok well it is all relative, isn't it.

So I am not surprised that dad is doing all of this complaining because he is trying to control something, anything, and the focus has been on food.  Ok, I get it, except he is driving me and the family crazy.  One minute he tells me to make him macaroni and cheese, and the next minute he will tell me that he doesn't like macaroni and cheese! 

A few weeks ago I took him to the grocery store and said, "dad, go ahead and take a shopping cart and go around the store with Joey, buy whatever you want."  I was shopping with Jessica and met up with them about 30 minutes later.  I had a huge cart full of groceries and my father had:  10 cans of Progresso soup, a bag of onion rolls, and a chub of Hebrew National salami. 

He told me to make him a can of soup for lunch and that is all he wants from that day forward.  After three days of giving him soup, he turns to me on the forth day and says, "what, you don't have enough money to feed me something other than soup?"

I can always tell when dad is about to start one of his food monologues.  I will be sitting in my favorite chair by the window and he will very quietly walk towards me with a pensive look upon his face.  He will open the same way, "Linda, may I talk to you for a minute?" or "Linda, you are a good daughter and I don't want to be a burden.." and this is my favorite, "What kind of food are you feeding me!  I never had this at home." (Referring to stomach pains and constipation).

 I can't do his hand gestures or accent any justice, suffice it to say, when my dad starts one of his long speeches they are hysterically funny.

 Here is a sample of one of dad's solioquy's:

Dad: Linda, listen I don't want to aggravate you, or upset you, I am a man of 90 years and I didn't ask you to bring me out here. Ok I am here, but I know you will have a problem with me with eating because I can't chew the food, but I have an idea that will be good for both of us. And it won't cost you a penny. How about you let me make potato soup, how much could it cost for one potato, a nickel? I need a small onion, maybe a half of the onion and I will fry it in a pan with a little oil and the potato, then I will add water and in twenty minutes I will have a delicious soup.  I can make this for your whole family and they will love it.  It is very healthy and good for the bowels.  Ok, Linda, I don't want to hold you too long, have a good night.

Good night dad.

Influenza (flu) Vaccination - The Elderly are at Risk!

It is flu season and those at greatest risk of developing serious complications from this preventable disease is the elderly.  Read on and become better informed consumers of health care.

Influenza Facts


Influenza, commonly known as the flu, is a contagious viral infection spread predominately through coughing and sneezing. Common symptoms include high fever, chills, headache, muscle aches, sore throat, cough, and generalized fatigue.
Although it peaks in January and February, the disease is active from November to May.

Vaccinate to Prevent Serious Illness

The influenza virus changes from year to year-requiring annual vaccination to protect against the different strains. The vaccination is available in two different forms, the traditional injection, which contains an inactivated (killed) virus, or as an attenuated (live and weakened) virus that is sprayed into the nostrils. Both routes provide full protection against influenza.

According to the Centers of Disease Control (CDC), this year’s vaccine will protect against the following viral illnesses only:

• A/H1N1
• A/H3N2
• Influenza B

Those at Risk

Influenza is a highly contagious illness causing approximately 200,000 hospital admissions, and about 36,000 deaths per year. Pneumonia, a serious respiratory complication, accounts for over 90% of flu-related deaths. Moreover, children under the age of five, who contract the disease, are at risk of developing febrile seizures, a serious neurological condition. Annual vaccination is recommended for those individuals at greatest risk of developing serious flu-related medical complications:

• infants (six months of age and over),
• pregnant women,
• the elderly,
• individuals with respiratory, cardiac, or kidney diseases,
• Individuals with compromised immunity,
• Health care and daycare providers, and
• Primary caregivers to those at high risk

Possible (Mild) Side Effects

Like any other medication, the influenza vaccination does have potential side effects. The most common side effects occur at the injection site, and include redness, pain and muscle soreness. Alternatively, some individuals experience systemic side effects that include red or itchy eyes, cough, fever, and body aches.

Treating Side Effects

Recommendations to help combat vaccination-related side effects include:

• Applying a cold and wet compress to the injection site,
• Increasing fluid intake,
• Taking acetaminophen or ibuprofen (as directed) to reduce pain and fever,
• Get plenty of (extra) rest

Many individuals feel a need to guard or protect the arm that received the vaccination. In fact, it is best to use the arm to help metabolize the medication and decrease the incidence of muscle ache and pain.

When to Contact your Doctor

Contact your doctor immediately should you experience any of the following symptoms:

• High fever
• Breathing difficulty or shortness of breath (call 911 if severe)
• Hoarseness or wheezing
• Rash or hives
• Dizziness
• Palpitations

Vaccine-Related (Serious) Complications

The influenza vaccine is prepared in chicken embryos, this type of vaccination is prohibitive to those with a chicken egg allergy. The Centers of Disease Control (CDC) has reported that, although rare, serious medical conditions have been associated with viral related vaccines, two of which are:

• Anaphylaxes or a life-threatening allergic reaction to the medicine.
• A serious neurological condition called Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS), characterized by fever, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.

Potential Impurities

Viral vaccines are manufactured with some impurities and may contain foreign proteins (DNA/RNA), other viral material, and of recent concern thiomersal, a mercury-containing preservative, found in multi-dose vials of the H1N1 flu vaccine. Advocates against vaccination argue that thiomersal can cause autism in young children. The amount of foreign DNA and RNA proteins contaminating these vaccines raise concerns that they may cause autoimmune-related conditions and cancer.

There are many who believe vaccinations in general are a bad idea. As the movement to decline vaccination increases so does many of those disease irradicated by vaccination. The debate to vaccinate (or not) is a heated one and ultimately each one of us must make an informed decision based on accurate information. Start by consulting your physician and visit the following websites for more information on the influenza vaccine:

http://www.flu.gov/
http://www.niaid.nih.gov/topics/flu/h1n1/Pages/Default.aspx
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/
http://www.cdc.gov/H1N1flu/vaccination/statelocal/centralized_distribution_qa.htm
https://www.vaccineshoppe.com/image.cfm?doc_id=11046&image_type=msds_sheet

Reducing Hospital Acquired Infections - General Health - Naturally Savvy: Get Savvy about Healthy Living

Reducing Hospital Acquired Infections - General Health - Naturally Savvy: Get Savvy about Healthy Living

Family Visits

I don't have a large family.  That being said, the family I do have is spread all over the country.  Last month we took my father to California to see his brother and his niece.  Earlier this month my niece came out to see her grandfather all the way from Connecticut.

My father wants so desperately to see his entire family before he dies. Yet I notice when he does have an opportunity to see a family member all he does is complain!  My poor niece was bombarded with trivial nonsense that was triggered when my father saw her!

My father has so many complex and convoluted issues that even he can't keep up with his own feelings.  Just the other day he said to me, "What is my eldest daughter's name?  However, ask him what his beef is with his eldest daughter, and he can't spit it out fast enough!  He remembers every dime he has given to people, and every fight or disagreement.  But ask him if he enjoyed the movie, he saw last night and he'll ask, "what movie?  We went to the movies last night?"

I love my family.  I know dad loves them as well.  Now if I can only get him to remember that the next time a family member visits.

Me

That's what you get when you have a 90-year-old move in with you!

Monday July 12, 2010
188 Days Since Accident
165 Days in Colorado

Where did all his energy come from?

Dad was up early today and when I came downstairs to make breakfast he sprang at me from his bedroom, slapped his hands together, and said, “So, what are the plans today?” I looked at him with one eye half-open and wondered who this man was standing in front of me and what did he do with my father. “Dad, remember that Joey and Jessica have (oral) surgery today to remove their wisdom teeth? We are not going to be doing anything for the next few days while I take care of them.”

Looking back I probably should have taken dad with me today. I really thought he would be bored and I did not want to have to worry about entertaining him when my children were going to need all of my attention. The kids and I left the house at 11:00am and did not get home until 4pm. It was a long day and the kids were starting to experience a lot of pain.
We walked into the house and my father greeted me at the door and said, “Where have you been all day? I was so worried; I have been locked up in this house like a prisoner.” “You just got home from a wonderful vacation and already you are complaining that you are in a prison?” I said. “I am going to get Grumpy for you to hold dad.” He laughed and walked over to the children and started making jokes but Jessica was in too much pain.
“Where is Larry?” I asked. “He has been outside mowing the lawn and fixing things, I wanted to help but he didn’t need me.” I have a lot of empathy for my dad, he wants to feel useful, but he is not handy. He only has one eye can barely see out of it. Larry works so hard and to be honest, when he has free time to work around the house, he does not want to spend time being slowed down by dad.

The fact is the next few days are going to be very busy for both Larry and I. Larry intentionally took an extra week of vacation from work to do some much need house maintenance. My time will be focused on carrying for the kids post surgical visits. I had no idea how the kids were going to handle having their wisdom teeth out.
Just then, I got this brilliant idea, I asked my father if he would fix a few articles of clothing for me. He was an excellent tailor in his day and unfortunately, he never shared that gift with any of his children. My sewing abilities included buttons and repairing small tears. I threaded several needles for dad and left him with a basket of repairs. I did not hear a beep out of him for about four hours! At the end of that time, he handed me a pile of repaired clothing! “You are amazing dad, thank you.” I said, while thinking to myself, what am I going to do to keep him busy for the next three days? Oh Larry….

Dad, a one-of-a-kind tailor!