Dad is still with us!

It has been a little over two years since dad came to live with us - he turns 92 in August.  He is doing extremely well, and me, not so well.  I am exhausted and in desperate need of a very long vacation.

When I brought dad out here two years ago I was told by the doctors that he probably wouldn't live very long.  He was so frail and sick.  I wanted to make him comfortable and to let him know that he was surrounded by family that cared about him.

I am a nurse - and I guess a pretty good one because dad is actually thriving.  Of course that is wonderful.  But the truth is I never would have brought him into my home if I knew it was going to be for the long haul.

So, now what do I do?  I can't bring myself to place him in a nursing home.  Dad never prepared for the possibility that he would spend his finally years in a nursing home.  He just assumed he would either die at home from old age or the hospital!  He also never thought he would live to be over 90 either! 

He is in a real pickle.  He can't afford one of the "good" nursing homes.  The best he can do at this point is placement in a state-run facility; and I wouldn't put a dog in one of those places!

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.  My children and husband have been wonderful with the situation.  No one is overtly complaining, but I know how difficult the situation is.  I am happy to help my father, but who is going to help me? 

Now dad tells me that he wants to go on vacation with the family this summer.  Two years ago I took him to California to see his brother - they had not seen each other in over thirty years!   Dad doesn't even remember going to California!  All that effort and aggravation and he doesn't even remember going!!

Just the other day my son found dad crying in his bedroom.   Dad thought that I went on vacation and left him behind!   Is it unfair of me to not want to take him on another trip?  It was not easy - dad got confused and soiled his bed.  I was horrified and thought for sure that the hotel would charge me for the damage.  Thank goodness they didn't.

The family barely slept well during that trip because dad would get confused during the middle of the night and wander into the ajoining room and stand at the foot of my hotel bed.  He would literally stand there and just stare at us.  It felt like a bad horror movie!    The first night he did this I awoke to find him hovering over me and I let out this totally uninhibited scream.

Taking care of an elderly parent is worse than raising children.  We come into this world helpless and totally dependent on others for our care; while our elderly often find themselves in the same predicament, totally dependent on children or other caregivers.  Changing a child's diaper is one thing, changing a parent's diaper is a completely different and totally inappropriate experience.  Fortunately for me, dad is still able to perform his own personal care needs. 

Listen to me - if you get a phone call in the middle of the night to fly across the country and pick up your elderly parent, tell the person on the other end of the line that they got a wrong phone number!  Trust me, they won't put your parent out in the street.   It will buy you some time to sell off all of your possessions and leave the country! 

Only kidding - well, maybe halfway kidding...

Linda

OPTIFAST - Week #2, April 6, 2011

I made it through my first week of the program without any problems.  I lost three pounds and although I don't see or feel it, the fact that the scale reflects such a significant loss overwhelms me with joy and happiness!

I know you are dying to know what I weigh - suffice it to say, I need to lose fifty pounds, which puts me in the obese category.  Just typing that word, obese, makes me feel ill.  I am so disappointed in myself and angry that I had to one of those individuals who struggles with weight problems.  Not fair - I love to cook and I love to eat.  My fear is that I will never be able to enjoy "real food," again. 

Right now, I must focus on the positive aspects of this program and the fact that I caught my prediabetes early and with diet and exercise I should see my blood sugards revert back to normal pretty soon.

This week I tried a number of different frozen meals and will share with you my thoughts on them.  Remember, I am not fond of frozen meals, but I must also admit that these meals have come a long way over the years and some were pretty darn tasty!

Below is my critique of some of the meals I had this week

Frozen Meal Selection:  Kashi - Chicken Floretine.

Texture is a big thing for me - I hate soggy food. I like a little crunch, and I want to be able to taste the different ingredients.  This meal was actually pretty good.  Almost immediately, I could smell the chicken and garlic, while it was cooking in the microwave.  This one was low in calories and packed with protein.  Protein is so important in the body so I don't want to skimp on it.  Low protein can lead to hair, nail and skin problems not to mention issues with kidney function, among others. 

Total Calories: 290.  Total Fat: 9 grams.   Sodium: 550 mg.  Protein: 22 grams.

On a scale of 1-10 I would have to give this one a 7.5

Frozen Meal Selection:  Lean Cuisine - Garlic and Chicken Spring Rolls
Box contained two servings of three small rolls each.


Total Calories: 200.   Total Fat: 8 grams.   Sodium: 580 mg.     Protein: 10 grams.


I prepared it in the microwave using the cooking sleeve that came with the meal. It smelled good while cooking, I could smell the garlic and thought perhaps this would not be so bad after all. The outside of the roll was very good, I especially liked the crunch of it - texture is important when eating food, you want to have something that brings it all together. But the inside was way too mushy and soft which overwhelmed the crunch-factor of the outside.

On a scale of 1-10 I would have to give this one a 5.

Frozen Meal Selection: Lean Cuisine - Comfort line - Roasted Turkey Breast with savory herb dressing and cinnamon apples.


Total Calories: 300. Total Fat: 4 grams. Sodium: 650 mg. Protein: 14 grams.



The turkey was moist and tender and the dressing was well seasoned. To me there was too much dressing and not enough turkey. The texture was the issue for me again, something to tie this meal together, that crunch factor. The apples had a slight crunch but not enough to compensate for the overwhelming softness of the dressing. I also didn't taste any cinnamon, although I did like the apples.

On a scale of 1-10 I would have to give this one a 6.5

Frozen Meal Selection: Kashi - Mayan Harvest Bake
 I really enjoyed this entree!  Initially the look was anything but appealing but the smells from coming my microwave convinced me that I might have a winner here.  First, the texture was perfect, there was the crunch from the beans, and a chewiness from the sweet potato.  The spicy ancho sauce was mild and flavorful.  This one I will buy again.  The true test is if I enjoy it the second time around.  I have to consider the fact that hunger can play a role in how good something tastes too.  I mean, look, if you're starving just about anything will taste good!
 
Total Calories: 340     Total Fat: 9 grams     Total Sodium: 380 mg     Total Protein: 9 grams

On a scale of 1-10 I would have to give this one a 9.

Frozen Meal Selection: Amy's Light & Lean line - Pasta & Veggies made with organic broccoli and asparagus.


The vegetables had a nice crunch to them and the pasta was firm and not mushy. the sauce was mild and flavorful and it was topped with parmesan cheese. Actually the first frozen meal that actually looked like the picture on the carton.  I think those who enjoy pasta will actually like this selection a lot. However, for me, it was alright but something that I normally would not eat because I like my pasta dry and flavored from the meat or vegetables that I make to top it. Just not a lover of tomato sauce.

Total Calories: 210     Total Fat: 5 grams     Total Sodium: 470 mg     Total Protein: 10 grams

On a scale of 1-10 I would have to give this one a 7.

Frozen Meal Selection: Amy's Gluten Free line - Garden Vegetable Lasagna made with organic rice pasta and vegetables.



When I took the package out of the box it felt heavy, like it had some substance to it. It also looked very appetizing, just like the picture on the box. It took eight minutes to cook because the outer edges cooked quicker than the center. I have a high-end microwave so believe me when I say that it needed extra time to cook.  I was disappointed in that the lasagna noodles lost their texture and seem to melt into the vegetables. Although the meal tasted good, it had no texture, it was too soft, and I was not able to differentiate the various vegetables, like carrots, broccoli, zucchini, spinach, and peas. All the flavors just commingled leaving me to guess what the actually vegetables were.

Total Calories: 290     Total Fat: 9 grams     Total Sodium: 720 mg     Total Protein: 11 grams

On a scale of 1-10 I would have to give this one a 5.

OPTIFAST - First Meeting Week # 1 March 30 2011

I arrived at the meeting room fifteen minutes early and found two other women waiting.   In walked three women - the Team:

• The Course Instructor (she has a degree in health psychology)
• The Nurse Practitioner (she will monitor the medical side of the program)
• The Administrative Assistant (she takes care of paperwork and ordering of product)

During the first fifteen minutes of each weekly meeting participants will:

• Get weighed
• Have blood pressure checked
• Order products for the following week and pick up the current week's product
• Discuss any health problems that arose during the previous week

The remainder of the time, one hour, our instructor goes over the goals for the next week, provides us with reading material, discuss the emotional aspects of our journey, among other things.

The meeting today was about information gathering and a detail description of the program and the goals for the next 13+-weeks.   This program has been around for decades - I had a friend back in 1980 who lost 100 pounds on this program - it was called the "liquid diet," back then.  She had six specially formulated  "shakes," per day, seven days a week, for six months.

The program is designed to work as follows - Participants must drink 8 glasses of water per day, and  have the option of:

• Drinking four-160 calorie shakes per day or two shakes per day + two meal bars, or two soups,  approximately 640 calories per day.*
• Enjoying 30 extra calories per day, in 10-calorie increments.  Lots of choices here.
• In addition to the program products - participants must each one or two prepared meals per day (see below).

1. To have four shakes* per day and one 500-calorie meal at dinner time;

2. To have four shakes* per day and two 250-calorie meals at lunch and dinner, respectively.

I was not crazy about the frozen meal options because I love to cook and I almost never buy frozen meals.  I like to make everything fresh with little to no preservatives, processing, or fillers.  However, on this program there are very specific requirements, for example, if the 250-calorie lunch/dinner option is chosen it must contain:

• No more than 250 calories,
• No more than 10 grams of fat,
• No more than 700 mg of salt,
• At least 10 grams of protein or more.
                                                            or

We can have one 500-calorie meal per day (usually at dinner) and it must contain:

• No more than 500 calories,
• No more than 15 grams of fat,
• No more than 700 grams of salt,
• At least 15 grams of protein or more.

After the meeting and on the way home, I stopped at my local grocery store and spent two hours going through and reading all of the different frozen meal options!  I bought fourteen different varieties of meals and was thrilled to find a nice selection and they were on sale too!

My goals for the duration of this program is to:

1. Space my "meals," every three to four hours, e.g., a shake first thing in the morning, a shake for lunch (or a frozen meal), a frozen meal for dinner, and then in the evening, which is when I like to nosh, I will have my two meal bars.
2. On the days that I have a 500-calorie frozen meal I will replace the lunch meal with a shake.
3. My daily extra thirty calories will vary from celery or carrot sticks, sugar free gum (5 calories per), etc
4. To walk on the treadmill that we have in the house a minimum of 3x per week.
5. To keep a journal of feelings, especially surrounding cravings and such so I can pinpoint when my food addiction trigger is stimulated.
6. To not be afraid to get on the scale!
7. To enjoy myself and have fun.  Ok, maybe this one is stretching it a bit!

**Shake come in ready to make powder or in a prepared single serving box.  Flavors are vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.  the meals bars are chocolate brownie, yogurt and berries, peanut butter with chocolate.  Soup is in a pouch that you add hot water to, and there are only two flavors, a tomato and chicken noodle.  I am not a soup lover so I opted not to choose them.

Taking Care of Dad is Making me Fat!

It has been a long time since I last wrote and I apologize for that - writing that I have been under tremendous amounts of stress just doesn't seem to truly explain the magnitude of what is going on in my life right now. Dad has been living with me for close to sixteen months and as he continues to thrive I seem to be falling apart.

In the last year I have gained twenty pounds and I am at my heaviest - heavier than during pregnancy, heavier than all my stress-induced-food-binge-periods, heavier than all those years when I was in an extremely volatile marriage and subsequent divorce.
I am first, ashamed of myself - I vowed never to allow myself to be more than twenty pounds overweight, it provided a controlled environment, the minute the scale tipped at twenty pounds I would freak and start exercising and dieting to bring down the weight.
There have been a handful of times in my life when I was thin - gorgeous really. The perfect (hourglass) figure, the positive self-esteem, the amazing career(s). Each time I felt an inner peace and satisfaction in knowing that I could do it, if I really wanted to, I could be thin and healthy.

I would manage to keep the weight off for a couple of years only to start adding the poundage once the winds of change turned nasty in my life - Bad relationships, divorce, dysfunctional family relationships, disenchantment with life in general. It is not true when people say, "the weight just mysteriously came on overnight." I was painfully aware of each and every sickening pound as it comfortably melted into my hips and thighs. The excuses were plentiful - the empty promises to prevent any further weight gain, and the self-loathing I felt each time I had to look into the mirror only made me dig deeper into the refrigerator.

I used to think that "food addiction," was a made up excuse by some morbidly obese person struggling to justify their horrific predicament. How can anyone be addicted to food? It's nonsense and pathetical. But I am now a believer, since my father's arrival in January, 2011 I have found solace in a bag of challah bread. My taste buds have been awoken by the tantalizing tastes of moist and creamy petite fours. A good movie and a bag of Twizzlers became my best friend during the lonely hours between 1and 4 in the morning, while I nervously listened as my father roamed my home - yelling my name in a drunken stupor, and finding him on the floor - his legs stuck between the bathroom toilet and the wall. Laying there, blankly staring up at me, then violently accusing me of making it all up the next morning.
Caring for my dad has made me fat. It reminds me of my childhood - a nervous child, who found love and comfort in food. And just like that nervous child, so many decades ago, I too struggle with the guilt and shame of being out-of-control. "How does my father do it," I wonder? I am a (although I hate to admit it), a middle-aged woman still seeking the love and approval of a man who is incapable of such basic needs. I see him and I revert to that scared little fat girl, terrified of the man hovering over me, and scolding me, "why don't you use your brains? you are such a stupid child," he would say with distain.

Two weeks ago, for sixteen weeks, I entered a stringent, medically managed, weight loss program, that has been around for decades, called OPTIFAST Please join, support, and encourage me as I take this journey to take control back over my emotions, my body, my life! and maybe, along the way I might be able to help a few people struggling with the same issues too.



Linda Mundorff

Middle of the Night - Caring for Dad

It is 2:30 in morning and I am still awake - actually I am awake this time every night. You probably think I have a newborn at home. I wish I did because caring for a newborn, to me, is so much easier than caring for an elderly parent. It may be one thing to change a child's diaper, but it becomes something completely different and uncomfortable when the diaper you are changing belongs to your parent. The angry outbursts, stubbornness ,and regressive behaviors are reminiscent of when my children were small. I can hear my father moan my name - I worry, did he fall again? Sometimes, during this confused state, my father will think he is in the bathroom, and I will find that he has soiled his pajama bottoms.


I am exhausted, my sleep has been disrupted since his arrival a little over a year ago. Like caring for a newborn, I worry - I don't like to go to sleep until I know my father is sleeping comfortably. Fortunately for him , I know when he is awake - he is far from quiet. If by chance I am too tired and sleep through his restless noises, my golden retriever, Buster will pace at the foot of my bed, until I wake up. He too worries about his human friend.

My father believes he is not a burden simply because he is independent in tending to most of his personal needs. Being responsible for an elderly parent is a burden - plain and simple. His well-being is in my hands - it is up to me to make sure that the following needs are being met:

• Love and a sense of well-being

• Medical, and that he takes his medication on a regularly basis,

• Nutritional needs, which includes supplementing his diet with protein shakes,

• Social and the need to be with other seniors,

• Personal care needs - bathing, mouth care, toileting,

• Feeling like he is an important member of this family, he goes everywhere we go,

Just once I would like to hear him say that he:

• appreciates everything that I am doing for him,

• loves and respects me,

• feels sorry that he was not there for me when I needed him,

• wants to know how I am feeling (for a change).

My eyelids are feeling very heavy right now and I want to go to sleep. It is now 3:45 in the morning and my father is finally asleep and that is my cue to say goodnight too.

The Eating Habits of the Elderly

Dad eats very well, don't let him fool you when he says he eats like a baby - if the meal is something that he likes and he can eat without any difficulty (remember he has no teeth), he will eat a full adult portion.

Unfortunately, my father is very confused and a poor historian.  He loves to tell these elaborate stories of the great meals he would prepare at home.  The problem is that he has not cooked like that since he was 70 years old.  For the last twenty years, the extent of his cooking was to open a can of condensed soup. 

Dad, like many elderly, would eat one good meal per day. He never ate breakfast because he would eat a huge lunch, at the local senior center at 11am.  The lunch consisted of meat, potatoes, a beverage, and a piece of cake all for one dollar!    For dinner he would have a slice of bread and some salami or can soup or a frankfurter. 

My dad was seriously underweight and malnourished when I brought him out to Colorado.  But his mind will not permit him to see that the quality of his life was in serious jeopardy.  So he goes back to a happier time, way back, like when he was 60 years old.  I can't fight with dementia.  Not even worth trying.  No one wins, really.

Dad needs to control his environment - he was independent until he was 89 years old!  That is pretty amazing, but he does not see it that way.  He thinks he has had a rotten life - ok well it is all relative, isn't it.

So I am not surprised that dad is doing all of this complaining because he is trying to control something, anything, and the focus has been on food.  Ok, I get it, except he is driving me and the family crazy.  One minute he tells me to make him macaroni and cheese, and the next minute he will tell me that he doesn't like macaroni and cheese! 

A few weeks ago I took him to the grocery store and said, "dad, go ahead and take a shopping cart and go around the store with Joey, buy whatever you want."  I was shopping with Jessica and met up with them about 30 minutes later.  I had a huge cart full of groceries and my father had:  10 cans of Progresso soup, a bag of onion rolls, and a chub of Hebrew National salami. 

He told me to make him a can of soup for lunch and that is all he wants from that day forward.  After three days of giving him soup, he turns to me on the forth day and says, "what, you don't have enough money to feed me something other than soup?"

I can always tell when dad is about to start one of his food monologues.  I will be sitting in my favorite chair by the window and he will very quietly walk towards me with a pensive look upon his face.  He will open the same way, "Linda, may I talk to you for a minute?" or "Linda, you are a good daughter and I don't want to be a burden.." and this is my favorite, "What kind of food are you feeding me!  I never had this at home." (Referring to stomach pains and constipation).

 I can't do his hand gestures or accent any justice, suffice it to say, when my dad starts one of his long speeches they are hysterically funny.

 Here is a sample of one of dad's solioquy's:

Dad: Linda, listen I don't want to aggravate you, or upset you, I am a man of 90 years and I didn't ask you to bring me out here. Ok I am here, but I know you will have a problem with me with eating because I can't chew the food, but I have an idea that will be good for both of us. And it won't cost you a penny. How about you let me make potato soup, how much could it cost for one potato, a nickel? I need a small onion, maybe a half of the onion and I will fry it in a pan with a little oil and the potato, then I will add water and in twenty minutes I will have a delicious soup.  I can make this for your whole family and they will love it.  It is very healthy and good for the bowels.  Ok, Linda, I don't want to hold you too long, have a good night.

Good night dad.

Influenza (flu) Vaccination - The Elderly are at Risk!

It is flu season and those at greatest risk of developing serious complications from this preventable disease is the elderly.  Read on and become better informed consumers of health care.

Influenza Facts


Influenza, commonly known as the flu, is a contagious viral infection spread predominately through coughing and sneezing. Common symptoms include high fever, chills, headache, muscle aches, sore throat, cough, and generalized fatigue.
Although it peaks in January and February, the disease is active from November to May.

Vaccinate to Prevent Serious Illness

The influenza virus changes from year to year-requiring annual vaccination to protect against the different strains. The vaccination is available in two different forms, the traditional injection, which contains an inactivated (killed) virus, or as an attenuated (live and weakened) virus that is sprayed into the nostrils. Both routes provide full protection against influenza.

According to the Centers of Disease Control (CDC), this year’s vaccine will protect against the following viral illnesses only:

• A/H1N1
• A/H3N2
• Influenza B

Those at Risk

Influenza is a highly contagious illness causing approximately 200,000 hospital admissions, and about 36,000 deaths per year. Pneumonia, a serious respiratory complication, accounts for over 90% of flu-related deaths. Moreover, children under the age of five, who contract the disease, are at risk of developing febrile seizures, a serious neurological condition. Annual vaccination is recommended for those individuals at greatest risk of developing serious flu-related medical complications:

• infants (six months of age and over),
• pregnant women,
• the elderly,
• individuals with respiratory, cardiac, or kidney diseases,
• Individuals with compromised immunity,
• Health care and daycare providers, and
• Primary caregivers to those at high risk

Possible (Mild) Side Effects

Like any other medication, the influenza vaccination does have potential side effects. The most common side effects occur at the injection site, and include redness, pain and muscle soreness. Alternatively, some individuals experience systemic side effects that include red or itchy eyes, cough, fever, and body aches.

Treating Side Effects

Recommendations to help combat vaccination-related side effects include:

• Applying a cold and wet compress to the injection site,
• Increasing fluid intake,
• Taking acetaminophen or ibuprofen (as directed) to reduce pain and fever,
• Get plenty of (extra) rest

Many individuals feel a need to guard or protect the arm that received the vaccination. In fact, it is best to use the arm to help metabolize the medication and decrease the incidence of muscle ache and pain.

When to Contact your Doctor

Contact your doctor immediately should you experience any of the following symptoms:

• High fever
• Breathing difficulty or shortness of breath (call 911 if severe)
• Hoarseness or wheezing
• Rash or hives
• Dizziness
• Palpitations

Vaccine-Related (Serious) Complications

The influenza vaccine is prepared in chicken embryos, this type of vaccination is prohibitive to those with a chicken egg allergy. The Centers of Disease Control (CDC) has reported that, although rare, serious medical conditions have been associated with viral related vaccines, two of which are:

• Anaphylaxes or a life-threatening allergic reaction to the medicine.
• A serious neurological condition called Guillain-Barre Syndrome (GBS), characterized by fever, muscle weakness, and nerve damage.

Potential Impurities

Viral vaccines are manufactured with some impurities and may contain foreign proteins (DNA/RNA), other viral material, and of recent concern thiomersal, a mercury-containing preservative, found in multi-dose vials of the H1N1 flu vaccine. Advocates against vaccination argue that thiomersal can cause autism in young children. The amount of foreign DNA and RNA proteins contaminating these vaccines raise concerns that they may cause autoimmune-related conditions and cancer.

There are many who believe vaccinations in general are a bad idea. As the movement to decline vaccination increases so does many of those disease irradicated by vaccination. The debate to vaccinate (or not) is a heated one and ultimately each one of us must make an informed decision based on accurate information. Start by consulting your physician and visit the following websites for more information on the influenza vaccine:

http://www.flu.gov/
http://www.niaid.nih.gov/topics/flu/h1n1/Pages/Default.aspx
http://www.cdc.gov/h1n1flu/
http://www.cdc.gov/H1N1flu/vaccination/statelocal/centralized_distribution_qa.htm
https://www.vaccineshoppe.com/image.cfm?doc_id=11046&image_type=msds_sheet