Dad Takes a Fall!

Saturday May 1, 2010
116 days since accident
93 days in Colorado

Dad has wanted access to our backyard now for a couple of weeks. I was able to put him off with a variety of excuses, but ran out of them, now that the weather is so warm and beautiful. I want dad to enjoy the backyard, but have been hesitant for a number of reasons. Two of those reasons pertain to safety issues; the backless bench along the side of the deck and no banister leading down to the grass.
Just like a child, I know I can’t protect him from everything. But at least one can reason with a child, that is not the case with my father. In any event, I decided to give him a chance to prove me wrong and I took him out back and showed him around, pointing out the dangerous areas. Everything seemed fine, he sat outside and enjoyed the sun. I brought him some iced tea and a couple of cookies and went back into the house. Just moments later I ran outside to find the patio table on its’ side and dad laying flat on his back. He was conscious but not moving – here was my worst nightmare come true – that day severed his spinal cord and was paralyzed. Larry was already outside kneeling down next to dad. I covered my mouth to prevent my cries of fear, and began to move towards them. Dad looked up at us and asked, “what happened?” I had him remain still so I could assess the damage – to my surprise he was absolutely fine. The man has someone seriously watching over him!
So here is what happened – dad, tired of sitting, walked over to the patio table, misjudging the stability of it, he leaned against the table, and it flipped, sending him crashing to the floor (on his back). Larry and I helped him inside and I brought him a glass of water, dad looked at us both and said, “What are you making a big deal for, I am alright, you know how many times I fell in New York, maybe five times a day and I was fine.”
I couldn’t even think of a reply to such an utterly ridiculous response – and to keep myself from saying something that I knew I would immediately regret, I just quietly walked away. I could hear Larry trying to explain to dad that his constant falls is the major reason why he can no longer live by himself. Of course, dad became agitated and argumentative. He will never accept the fact that someone else has made the decision to take away his independence. A part of me certainly can’t blame him – I would not be happy if someone took that right away from me. On the other hand, I would try to come to terms with the decision and work to make the best of things. That is where dad and I differ, I am a realist, and try to be optimistic while dad is such a negative person. He can actually drain all the positive energy in a room; I am exhausted and fatigued after having one of our conversations about life. He has such a warped sense of the world, mistrusts everyone, and believes that life has no meaning. How can anyone have a meaningful and dynamic conversation with a person who believes only in his own reality?