Tuesday January 5, 2010
while crossing the street on the way home from his daily 1 mile walk, dad is hit by a car. The young driver is speeding up to make the light and does not see dad in the crosswalk. Dad is admitted to the hospital in critical condition. He has a C-2 fracture of his cervical spine, a scalp hematoma, bruised left tibia bone, and various cuts, scrapes, and bruises. I will not be contacted until Friday!
Flashback:
I have been trying to get a hold of dad since Sunday. We speak several times during the week. Dad lives in Brooklyn, New York and I live in Northern Colorado. I worry about him living alone. He refuses to go into a retirement home and is not ready to move to Colorado to live with my family and me.
Wednesday January 6, 2010
I get a call from John, dad's super (he keeps an eye on dad for me) he has not seen dad in two days, but the television in his apartment has been on continuously. I mentioned that I too have not been able to get in touch with him. He does not have a key to the apartment,as the tenants are the only ones with keys.
Thursday January 7 2010
I contact Benny, one of my childhood best friends, who lives in Brooklyn to go check on dad. Benny and I have been talking me sending him a copy of dad's apartment key. I wish I had done so two months ago when we first spoke about it. It is now about 10pm EST, and we have no choice but to contact the police. The police want to breakdown the door, but I get a weird feeling in the pit of my stomach. I ask the police to wait another day so I can check the local hospitals.
Friday, January 8, 2010
3 days after the accident
The hospital contacts me to inform me of dad's accident. His injuries are serious but by some miracle, he is not paralyzed the neck fracture does not touch the spinal cord. He is going to be transferred this weekend to a rehabilitation facility (a nursing home) for several weeks. Dad is too confused to speak to me. The social worker at the hospital suggests that I wait until he is settled in at the nursing home.
Monday January 11, 2010
6 days after the accident
I have called the hospital all weekend to check on dad. He finally is transferred to the nursing home about 7pm.
Tuesday January 12, 2010
Finally I get to speak to someone - the social worker informs me that dad is in bad shape and although it looks like he is going to make it, a miracle really, he will not be able to go back to independent living. As both his medical and financial power of attorney, I am going to have to decide about placement for him.
I finally get to speak to dad. He is very confused, keeps repeating himself, I find that I continually have to reorient him to what happened, where he is, who I am, etc. Come to find out that the hematoma is in that part of the brain where memory is stored. Dad may never regain his memory or be able to retrieve any. I am so scared for him.
Wednesday January 13 - 20, 2010
9th day after the accident and more
During the next week, I check in on dad three times per day, speaking to the social worker, doctor, and nursing staff daily as well. Each time I speak to dad, he sounds scared and confused. Tells me that they won't let him out of bed, he must wait for someone to walk with him to meals or they bring the tray to him in bed when they are short staff to walk with him. He is crying all the time, begging me to get him out of the nursing home.
The doctor and social confirm, what I already suspect, that dad can no longer live independently. I must decide now about placement. I ask dad what he wants to do - nursing home or come to live with me. He wants neither - and continues to hold onto hopes of going home.
Later that day,I receive a phone call from a(home health)social worker, who has been following dad for months. She was worried about dad because he missed their last two appointments. I filled her in on his situation and she generously offered to speak to dad to help him during this transition.
In the meantime, I have to start making plans to go to New York and put dad's affairs in order. I will have no help in closing his apartment, rerouting his mail, closing his bank accounts, terminating the utility bills, contacting his doctors, getting current prescriptions, etc. How the heck am I going to do this without any help? A major concern is also brewing in my own household. I have no one to take my two kids,Joey 15 and Jessica 14 to school or stay with them while my husband works(the night-shift).
I struggle with so much right now. I know dad never wanted to go into a nursing home. He won't even try to see the positive in this situation - that at 89 he managed to live independently all this time, and the accident did not leave him paralyzed. Nope, I suspect he is going to fight me all the way.
My other concern is a serious one - will dad get the proper care in a nursing home? He has a broken neck and must wear a hard collar for the rest of his life. He is too old to risk surgery. As it is, the staff is struggling with dad now; he keeps breaking his collar, during his attempts to remove it. He is on his fifth collar and the doctor has asked me to convince him to leave the collar in place. So already, I am worried sick that before I even get out there dad is going to sever his spinal cord.
Wednesday January 20, 2010
16 days after the accident
The consensus, after speaking to the doctor, social worker, and the home health social worker, is to bring dad to Colorado to live with us, at least while he is recuperating. After that we will see. I just can't think that far ahead.
I immediately make all the arrangements to fly into New York on January 25 (overnight flight,)and return home with dad on January 28(late evening). Yes, that is right, I have only a little over 3 days to close dad's apartment and take care of all his financial and other related things.
There are several problems, first is my health. I have severe lower back problems and a condition called Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. I would not be able to handle two layovers each way. Frankly, I don't know if I am going to be able to handle one flight. Although I am in remission, I have residual problems from the illness.
Larry wants to come with me but he has to stay behind to take care of the kids. Well his boss will only give him the 25th to 28th off, which is the other reason why my trip has to be so short. We decide that I will take one of the kids with me to help me. Jessica is eager to go and I think it would be good for her and me as well to have this time together.
I just made the reservations online and paid for the tickets. the cheapest tickets I could find put us on non-refundable, non-change tickets. So the plans are made - there is no looking back now...
At the age of 89, my dad has lived independently and alone, since the death of my mother back in 1970. No longer able to go back home my husband and I made the decision to bring dad home with us to Colorado to live with our family. It is going to be a difficult journey for all of us. My dad came to this country in 1949 and has lived in Brooklyn, New York for the last 40 years.
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